it just hurt so much when you left

i lost you and i shattered
not in a melodramatic way
but in the way that my body no longer felt like home
my mind no longer thought for itself
and i became a slave to the loss
so i live each day since your return
telling myself this is what i want
when i know the version of you that i want
doesn’t exist

i wanted us to glow

it takes more than sparks.

but we weren’t

the love was almost there
and we were almost ready to feel it

the irony

your absence is more present
than you ever were
when you were here

mistakes

just because our minds form the same opinions
that have been torn apart by others,
because we see the same shapes dancing
on our eyelids in the dark

just because we see each other reflected
in every movement
and just because our irregular hearts
beat in sync
does not mean
we are soulmates

so much

i pride myself on the ability to
let you move at your own pace
let you breathe in your own air
let you find comfort in me
(when you’re ready)

but missing you
while you’re standing
right in front of me
hurts

impatient

your glances fly past me
without so much as grazing my skin
i know
you’re aiming
for me
but you just can’t sink your shot

the pain, it’s yours

to say i understand is an insult
i do not understand
i will not try to

wear me down

i will be the rock
your waves crash against
until they turn me to sand

now you know.

i love you
not in a selfish “say it back” way
i do not need you

but it’s a feeling
strong enough
that to leave it unsaid
after all this time
would be something worse than lying

again.

don’t get attached
(i know it’s easy)

you built my castle

you
a constant reminder to keep my hopes low
my walls high
my voice quiet