it just hurt so much when you left

i lost you and i shattered not in a melodramatic way but in the way that my body no longer felt like home my mind no longer thought for itself and i became a slave to the loss so i live each day since your return telling myself this is what i want when i …

i wanted us to glow

it takes more than sparks.

but we weren’t

the love was almost there and we were almost ready to feel it

the irony

your absence is more present than you ever were when you were here

so much

i pride myself on the ability to let you move at your own pace let you breathe in your own air let you find comfort in me (when you’re ready) but missing you while you’re standing right in front of me hurts

impatient

your glances fly past me without so much as grazing my skin i know you’re aiming for me but you just can’t sink your shot

the pain, it’s yours

to say i understand is an insult i do not understand i will not try to

wear me down

i will be the rock your waves crash against until they turn me to sand

now you know.

i love you not in a selfish “say it back” way i do not need you but it’s a feeling strong enough that to leave it unsaid after all this time would be something worse than lying

again.

don’t get attached (i know it’s easy)

you built my castle

you a constant reminder to keep my hopes low my walls high my voice quiet

choose

i’m tired of being your halfway point i care. or i don’t.